Get your Squash-plush toys while they’re still fresh off the tarmac. Twitch, Grind, and Splodge are now joined by the latest not-so-cuddly toy. His name is Pop the Weasel.

Pop comes in a made-to-measure coffin. It’s not water-tight, so watch out for that oozing blood and gore. Inside is a death certificate and an ‘I love Roadkill’ bumper sticker. The first 500 Pop toys are all limited edition. Each one has a personalised toe tag, handwritten by the creator. All of them have limited edition numbers. It took Adam, the creator, 40 days and 40 nights to finish all those tags, and caused a midnight shadow on his soul. It’s not that we’re trying to emotionally blackmail you… but there are quack bills to pay.

The limited edition Pop toys are the same price as the standard Pop toys. £15. You get the door wedge, a made-to-measure coffin, an identity tag giving you details about the toy’s demise, an official Death Certificate signed by a doctor, and a waterproof Bumper Sticker. As the Squash-plush range grows, our little shop is going to grow. Next off the gorey conveyor belt is Smudge the Squirrel. And as soon as quarantine has given us clearance, there’s Splodge the Hedgehog in his new incarnation as a mouse mat, and many others.

They make perfect gifts for like-minded sociopaths. Get them all before the maggots set in.