Roadkill is a new designer toy company. We’re creating collectible toys with a macabre twist. They’re not your usual toys, they’re anti-toys. If you’re into roadkill, then you’ll be into our products, because our products have all been run over. First there was Twitch the Raccoon and now there’s Grind the Rabbit.

The Roadkill Teddy is a unique type of toy. A cutting edge designer toy. It’s called squash-plush. Squash-plush is similar to the standard plush. But it varies in one obvious way. It’s plush toys and teddies that have been squashed flat. Flat as a pancake.

The Roadkill Teddy is made of cute teddy materials like fur and stuffing. But that’s where the cuteness ends. He lies in a pool of blood and guts. Organs, cracked ribs, intestines, blood- all of them are stuffed. And we’ve used a new type of stuffing that squidges out when you squeeze it. We think it gives a more realistic effect. On his underbelly there is an embroidered blood splat, and sunny-side up there’s a tyre print.

And he doesn’t just lie there like your average roadkill. He’s an interactive toy. You can take the blood and guts in and out of him. They’re sealed into the carcass by a zip on both sides. Just unzip his flanks and let the blood and gore ooze out.

We think he’s funny, not freaky. He’s more like a cartoon. His tongue is jutting out, his eyes are bulging and bloodshot, his head is craned back, his little claws are clasping at thin air. He’s been captured in the moment of death. The poor little critter.

And like any self-respecting roadkill, the teddy comes in a body bag. It’s made of an opaque plastic, so you can see the macabre details inside. And attached to his twitching toe is an identity tag. This tells you all you need to know about the character’s demise.

Our new Roadkill teddy Grind is, or sorry was a rabbit. He was born and raised in Oddingley, Worcestershire as one of 134 siblings.  He suffered from asthma, and had a slight form of autism. But he led a happy life, and pursued his hobbies of hopping and chasing butterflies whenever possible. Unfortunately it was this last hobby that led him into the path of an oncoming 16 wheeler juggernaut in the fast lane of the A34.

We’re launching Grind the Rabbit with a thousand limited edition characters. Each one will have a special toe tag handwritten by the designer. Each one will have a limited edition number on the tag. Each one will be different. Some are flattened on the M25, some on the B43. Some are squished by Rolls Royces, and some by Robin Reliants. Only the first thousand have these, so don’t hang around sitting on your elbows. (And you better buy one, because the poor designer was up for seven nights, necking pro-plus and writing the bastards).

Twitch and Grind won’t be alone for long. They are merely the tip of a bloody iceberg. The first two designer plush toys in a macabre collection. We will be introducing more of their unfortunate friends later on. Each one will come with a body bag and toe tag.

There’ll be Pop the weasel. He’s going to be a door wedge, made of rubber. And when you jam the door on him, his eye pops out. Splodge the Hedgehog. He will be coming in two incarnations: as a plush toy, and then as a mousemat (we’re calling it Mousesplat). You run the mouse over the flattened, bloody mess of his middle. Then there’s Smudge the Squirrel. He’s a hot water bottle, with an elegant tyre track motif. And there’s Puddle the Vole. He’s a squashed flat doormat.

So have a look around our designer toy boutique. But leave your bleeding hearts outside.